Here beginneth

The most holy & glorious life ofSaint HornatiusOrgasma­howl

Haroooo in Excelsis

Being a most faithful, reverent & entirely accurate account of the Deeds, Temptations & Mysteries of the most wonderful, holy and virtuous Orc who ever lived.

  • Feast Day · March 23
  • Patron Saint of Battlegrounds
  • 7 Holy Relics

Psst: click anywhere in the heavens to release a dove.

He Who Grabbed ThreeDefender of ShadowfangDeliverer of the FlagRefuser of StormwindKeeper of a Hundred PetsScourge of the ZergBane of the Vile GoblinSmothered by HugsMost Virtuous of Orcs

Gathered from the archives are the relics of our patron, Saint Hornatius Orgasmahowl: champion of the Worgen, scourge of the Alliance zerg, keeper of a vast number of non-combat pets, and the most wonderful, holy and virtuous orc ever painted.

I will keep digging through the archives, as I am certain there are more paintings depicting his virtues, good deeds and miracles.

Catalogued by Roadieoh, High Tauren Librarian

Capitulum I

The Deeds

Reliquia Prima · No. 01Click the relic to venerate

✦ Relic the First ✦

The Defense of Shadowfang Keep

Reclaimed is this vital link between St. Hornatius and his kindred race, the Worgen! It seems our fabled saint fought with the strength of twenty and the honor of a champion, defending the Worgen race and Shadowfang Keep from the marauding bands of bigoted Humans.

This historic painting shows our hero hurling massive boulders and laying waste to an entire division of troops swarming like hideous insects upon the honorable castle.

“Saint Orgasmahowl fought with the spirit and tenacity of ten orcs. That is why the Worgen revere his memory to this day. Bless this orc for fighting on the side of justice. His presence won us the battle, the eventual war, and with it our freedom.”

— Fanggore, Chief of Worgen Clan Grollick

The friendship between Saint Orgasmahowl and the Worgen is quite interesting, especially as recent accounts suggest the Worgen have increasingly shifted their allegiance toward the Humans: the same race depicted here attempting genocide upon them. Quite curious.

Reliquia Secunda · No. 02Click the relic to venerate

✦ Relic the Second ✦

The Lumber Mill

Apparently St. Orgasmahowl was an ardent participant in the same Arathi Basin we play today! This painting shows him laying waste to an entire Alliance offensive zerg attempting to dislodge Hornatius from his defensive post atop the Lumber Mill.

On the back of the painting is a note giving the context. Shortly before the event depicted, St. Orgasmahowl confronted three members of his own team who were unwilling to push an attack on the enemy Stables:

“Let’s hold 2.”

“Yah, better than none.”

“Ya relax, Hornatius.”

To this our beloved Saint replied:

“Instead of holding TWO, I will grab THREE!”

He then scooped up the three tar heels and flung them off the northern cliff’s ledge onto two enemy hunters far, far below, killing all five. At this he shouted (his magnificent and heralded battle cry) and flung himself into the onslaught of Alliance denizens en route to the Lumber Mill, as depicted here.

Reliquia Tertia · No. 03Click the relic to venerate

✦ Relic the Third ✦

The Flag of Warsong Gulch

This one was catalogued as picturing the great Saint felling a vile Goblin in Warsong Gulch. The Saint stands triumphant and sacred, stomping the vile hellion into the depths of the earth from which he spawned, and returning the Horde flag in the process.

“Some of us call to him when all hope is gone, looking to the skies, praying that he will deliver our flag from evil.”

— Thrall, Warchief

That was written on the back in crude handwriting. It seems St. Hornatius figured in the beliefs of the Horde’s great leaders too. Wondrous!

Capitulum II

The Three Temptations

Reliquia Quarta · No. 04Click the relic to venerate

✦ Relic the Fourth ✦

The First Temptation

Behold the Temptation of Hornatius: proof that even the noblest among us are burdened with the responsibility to be just.

The devil visited Saint Hornatius Orgasmahowl three times.

The first time, he tempted the Saint with an invitation to join his friends in his domain. Other battle champions would be there, every bit as skilled in war as Saint Hornatius. Saint Orgasmahowl would no longer feel alone in a world of mediocrity.

St. Orgasmahowl rebuffed the demon thus:

“No band of callous villains can equal my heart or spirit! Be gone, vile pest!”

Reliquia Quinta · No. 05Click the relic to venerate

✦ Relic the Fifth ✦

The Second Temptation

The devil appeared to Hornatius on the second day and offered him the city of Stormwind to rule and command as his own.

St. Orgasmahowl once again rejected the demon’s gift:

“A city built upon the evil seeds you have sown will harbor not this champion! I would raze this place before owning the filth within!”

Reliquia Sexta · No. 06Click the relic to venerate

✦ Relic the Sixth ✦

The Third Temptation

But the demon was persistent, for he knew the worthiness of the recruit he sought. And so on the third day the devil appeared before the Saint with 100 non-combat pets, three Pendulums of Doom (one for his left hand and two for his right, as he was accustomed) and a naked virgin wanting to bed him.

This was by far the hardest of the temptations St. Hornatius faced. He did not respond, but knelt down to pray.

Capitulum III

The Mysteries

Reliquia Septima · No. 07Click the relic to venerate

✦ Relic the Seventh ✦

The Saint Among the Beasts

Some claim this is an image of the time St. Orgasmahowl rallied his vast number of non-combat pets into an army to reclaim the batch of Rumsey Rum stolen by the Holy-Rolling Argent Dawn in the years immediately preceding Prohibition.

Others argue it shows the moment before Hornatius’ death, which remains a mystery to this day. They say the Saint’s popularity was his undoing, as hundreds of animals swarmed him for hugs and ultimately smothered him.

Whatever its meaning, the subject matter is not debated. What a wonderful, holy and virtuous orc it shows!

Capitulum IV

The Beatitudes of the Battleground

  • Blessed are they who play to win, not to farm kills,for they shall hold the Lumber Mill, and the Stables, and the Blacksmith also.
  • Blessed are the supportive teammates,for they shall be healed, and peeled for, and never left to perish alone at the Farm.
  • Blessed are the flag carriers,for the Saint shall deliver them from evil.
  • Blessed are they who play to have fun,for theirs is the Fun++.

To be recited before every queue

A Prayer Before Queueing

O Blessed Hornatius, who grabbed THREE when lesser orcs would hold two,grant us a swift queue and a balanced team.Deliver our flag from evil,lead us not into the Alliance zerg,and when the battle is won, let us cry with one voice:

Click the cry to hear it.

Amen.

For the faithful

Light a Votive Candle

One for every flag delivered from evil. Light all twelve, and the Saint may grant a miracle.

0 of 12 candles lit

More relics are surely out there. If you find one, bring it to the Librarian. Originally catalogued March 23, 2010.
Legend holds that whoever types the Saint’s battle cry shall witness a miracle.
The Saint’s beast has a saga of its own: the Bearwolftriceratiger.

The Werewolf Orgasmahowl guild tabard: a silver-gray banner edged in black with a black chevron, hanging in a round bronze frame.
The Banner of the Faithful

HAROOOO!

Join the faithful. Grab three.

Join the Discord